Bonus Material

Resources for the boys

Papas are usually pretty left out in the world of parenting literature. Books, websites and memoires are written by women and for women while the men folk are, usually, off working and being in the sphere of men. Fortunately, as our societal views change and adapt to the realities of parenting of current generations, men's and father's roles are being recognized, celebrated and expanded more. Here is a list of resources and books that can help men and their families figure out the new dimensions, roles and expectations we are trying to define for the papas in our families.

Men's Postpartum Depression
We have slowly, slowly been gaining acceptance and understanding around new mother's postpartum feelings about the changes and new roles in their lives. As women, we know how hard it is to admit that we are feeling depressed or even just dissatisfied with our new lives, so imagine how hard it can be for a man to acknowledge this and let the world know. If you suspect that your partner or a friend may be having trouble adjusting to life in a family (and it can happen for far longer than just the first few months after a baby's birth), read about the subject on the Postpartum Men website.

Taking Back Paternity
One way to counteract dissatisfaction with a new role is to completely embrace it. This is what Daddy Brad, Daddy Clay and Daddy Troy did by creating Dad Labs, a full-on "male" approach to fatherhood. But the good kind of male, like the goofy, sense of humour-infused imparting of how to build a tree house for your kids, or, as I will always remember, the product review where Daddy Brad tries out the double suction breast pump to gain an understanding of what women go through. Steve discovered this site when we were still pregnant with Natasha, and a recent return to check it out shows that they have really expanded and made a mark on the parenting world. There is obviously a need for this focus on the men in the family. The setting in a garage, surrounded by tools and the occasional bib, gives men the freedom to feel comfortable and receptive to what they are seeing and hearing.

Books for and by Dads
Two of the books I have read myself and recommend for dads (and moms) are Alan Thicke's How Men Have Baby's: The pregnant father's survival guide (Jodere Group, 2003) and Phillip Lerman's Dadittude: How a real man became a real father (Simon & Shuster, 2001). Thicke played the dad on TV's Growing Pains, and Philip Lerman was one of the two executive producers of America's Most Wanted before leaving the show to become a full-time dad. Both men are great, laugh-out-loud writers who tackle the subject of fatherhood with a lot of humour and bring a man's view and feelings to parenting. Some of Lerman's digressions remind me so much of Steve that I had to check the jacket cover to see that the book was not written by my husband. We still make references to the Alan Thicke book, nearly three years after reading it.

These books serve both mamas and papas by granting women a glimpse into men's experiences that you may not hear about through your own husband, and by providing a source that is easy to share between both members of the couple. With the author being a man, Papa is more likely going to read the book, and when Mama reads it too, it is a nice shared experience and any bits of wisdom (or things to avoid) can be taken by each person.

And for the Wee Boys
Mamas of boys know that gender inequality starts at birth - in the fashion department! Tyke Threads brings you a collection of "hip and unique clothing" for boys age 0-4. They carry some not-so-ordinary tops, pants, jackets and accessories from toys to a fab looking fedora. The mom who started this company has searched high and low for fun clothes for boys that allow more personality than the standard plain one-colour t-shirt or striped hoodie. The Ontario-based mama has discovered Kid Brother, The Little Dog Laughed, Knuckleheads, Wonder Boy, Appaman and many more labels that provide great selection. They also have a small girl section, too.

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